Letter to my youngest daughter

To my youngest daughter, Addison,

I love you, I love you with all my heart. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you or your sister. I waited a long time for you, but God wasn't ready for you to enter into my life just yet. He knew what he was doing and he made me learn how to be patient.

Your sister and you are 10 years apart and some people may say that it's a huge age difference and maybe it is, but in the 11 months that you have graced us with your presence I see the love you and your sister have for each other. I see the smile on your face and in your eyes when your sister comes near you and I see that same look in her face, also. Your sister was never meant to be an only child and I am so happy that I was able to give you to her.

It was a bumpy road when you were first born (you were born a month early, you suffered from juandice and you had reflux issues that when it hit you were inconsolable until it passed and knowing that there was nothing I could do during that time broke my heart each time) but I knew that we would get through that stage and that it was only a stage and because God taught me how to be patient I was patient during that time and look at you now. 2 1/2 weeks before you turn a year old and I can't imagine living my life without you.

You're a momma's girl and you demand my time, but I know that you are my last child and once these stages pass I will never experience them again and so I'm trying to enjoy each one. I want to make memories for you, I want you to have a happy childhood. I want so much for you and I hope that I can give you everything that you need but not without learning that this world we live in isn't free and that we must work hard for it.

I sit and wonder what will you look like when you're a teenager, what college will you go to, what kind of music will you listen to, what hobbies will you enjoy doing? Will you be my ballet kind of girl or are you going to be the sports fanatic like your sister? Whatever it is, Addison, I hope that I'm there to watch it all happen and I can promise you it will be with a smile on my face.

You've come so far in your 11 months I can't wait to see what the rest has to hold.

I love you today, tomorrow and always.

Mom

A letter to my oldest daughter

Dear McKenna,

I've been called many things in my life, I'm a daughter, granddaughter, sister, cousin, and friend, but you, my dear, you gave me the best name anyone could ever be bestowed upon and that's "mom". I love being your mom, you make it so easy. From day one you have been an easy going child and 11 years later it still holds true. Don't ever change your attitude on life. You never see the bad in anything, always the good and that's just one of the things I adore about you. You are always there to lend a hand and help out.

I look at you, when you're not aware, and I wonder "what happened?" Didn't I just give birth to you? You're my first born, you gave me the best job ever, YOU made me a mom and now you're almost a teenager and I sit there, as I'm staring at you, wondering when did I fall asleep and why did I wake up to a tween? I look at your baby pictures every now and than and I don't see that precious, beautiful little girl, I see my daughter who is almost as tall as me looking back at me, still precious and beautiful but you're almost as tall as me and you're a photocopy of me.

I didn't know anything about being a mother when I was pregnant with you, but you taught me so much. You taught me how to look at life through a child's eye and it became so much more fun. Thank you for teaching me it's not all about work and paying bills, it's about forgetting them once in awhile and getting down on the floor and playing with those really cool toys of yours, like playing house and making up stories and using your stuffed animals as your cast of characters, looking at the clouds and pointing to them saying "hey, that one looks like a duck". McKenna, I can not say it enough so I will say it again, I love being your mom.

I know that there are times that I can be hard on you, but I hope that as you get older you realize that I only did it because I love you and nothing else. I know what you're capable of doing and I want so much for you to succeed in life. I want so much more for you, I want you to have what I didn't. I want you to look back on your life and say "Thanks, mom" I want you to call me up when you have you're own family and say "now I understand, mom"

Thank you, McKenna, for letting me be your mom.

I love you today, tomorrow and always.

Mom

July 10, 2010

Today is my company's picnic and they always have it at our zoo. The last few years they have had it at the zoo they do it after the zoo is closed for the day. I like this for 2 reasons...1) The zoo is not so crowded because it only contains the people that work at my company and 2) it's at night so it's not so incredibly hot. All the food you can eat with unlimited cotton candy (absolutely the best and my favorite), ice cream, nachos, soda and corn on the cob.

Today will be Addison's first trip to the zoo so I'm excited to see what she thinks of it. She's only 11 months old but she does have a mind of her own. McKenna's favorite animal is the elephant and mine are the cats, what will Addison's favorite animal turn out to be?

It's so fun watching Addison learn new things and some of the things she shows you makes you wonder how she came up with that. All of a sudden she now shakes her head "no". Ask her any yes or no question and you are guaranteed a shake of the head no and she always has a smile while doing it. She now gives you kisses if you ask for it, but if she doesn't want to, believe me when I say no matter how much you plead with her for one small kiss you're not going to get one. She is my handful girl, but I wouldn't have it any other way, she is who she is and I love her for it. She always has a smile on her face and a laugh coming out of her precious mouth except for when she's hungry. She has been in our lives for 11 months and she has yet to learn that little word "patience" when it comes to getting her food or bottle ready. She than becomes the screaming kid of our town when she wants to be fed and her food isn't ready.

I have so much to say and yet when I sit down here I forget everything. Maybe I'll make a list on what I want to talk about at the end of each entry and when I come back I can read it and go "oh yeah, let me talk about that"

The weekend getaway for us girls are not coming along as well as I would like because all the hotels I look up are either ridiculously expensive or there are no rooms available, but I will not give up because when McKenna said to me one night that she was so excited for this little getaway how could I possibly not make it happen.

Topics I want to talk about....

Disney World

Document my pregnancy with Addison.

July 5, 2010

It's now 20 minutes to midnight and I know that I should be in bed, but I know when the sun rises I will only have to head off to work and so sometimes I just stop myself from going to bed and yet tomorrow I know as I'm driving into work I will be yawning and wondering why I thought staying up was such a great idea. I like my job, I enjoy working with the people I work with and I love knowing that I am capable of taking care of myself and not having to depend on anyone else, but than there are times I just want to stay home one more day.

We did nothing special today. Did some laundry, but not all of it, vaccummed the house and washed the dishes. Mom made bar-b-ques and brought it over for dinner tonight. I'm not a cook, I dispise cooking, I want nothing to do with it, what would I do if I didn't have my mom?

Little Addison is such a momma's girl that it can drive me crazy at times, but deep down I just smile and want to yell to the world "she wants me, she wants only me." I can't do anything without her crawling to me and wanting to be held and though my house isn't spotless, I still have to do something and I end up listening to her cry until someone takes her away long enough so I can finish the dishes or vacumming the carpet and when I'm done and before I can start the next project she's thrown back in my arms because all she'll do is cry "momma!" I love that girl and I love her big sister. I tell my oldest daughter that she will never understand how much love I have for her until she becomes a mother herself. You really have no idea how much love you are capable of having until you have a child. I love being a mother, best damn job any woman could ever have.

I have always said that I wanted to start a tradition with my girls, I want to do something that when I'm old and my girls are grown they can tell their children that my mom and I did this.... and yet my oldest daughter is 11 years old and I have yet to come up with something. I think I finally thought of something. I think for just one weekend during the summer my girls and I will take a little drive to some town, pick a hotel to stay in and do whatever we want, doesn't matter what we do, whether it's order pizza and watch movies in our hotel room or walk in that towns downtown area browsing through the glass windows. Just as long as we're together it's going to be magical. Now, I have to figure out what weekend it will be (I would love to do it before school starts) because McKenna and I have baseball games to go to on the weekends. There just has to be one weekend opened for us. 11 years is long enough wondering what to do and what tradition can I start. I can't wait to start making memories with my girls.

Well, I have to go, sleep is going to win, I can't stay up much longer.

Until next time.

The 4th of July

The 4th of July. Happy birthday America. The land that I love. Whenever I go to the baseball games with my daughter and we sing the National Anthem I will always get tears in my eyes. I am so proud of this country that I live in.

I'm celebrating the 4th with some of my family. My daughters, their dad and my parents. We're going to bar-b-que, have a few drinks and just enjoy each others company. My youngest daughter, who is 11 months, will play in her pool splashing around (after the nap she decided to take).

Maybe tonight, if we're lucky, we will see some of the fireworks while sitting in my backyard.

I hope everyone has a safe and relaxing 4th.