Sept. 22, 2010

Politics......There are 2 reasons why I really don't talk about politics:

1. I'm not a real big political person. I only know so much about it and that's saying alot. I do have a favorite party and I do vote for a certain party and that's because I believe in what they believe in, but could I ever sit down with someone and spend hours talking about it? No, I'm just not that informed.

2. It only leads to arguments if you're talking to someone who doesn't believe the same way you do

and this is what leads me to this topic.

The following Tuesday we all voted for the primaries and the Saturday before my dad calls me up and asks if I'm going to vote. I told him "of course I am" and than he asks me who am I going to vote for and I reply "isn't that a little personal?" I know where this is going and I just don't want to go there. I ask him who he is voting for and and he replies "for the Democrats" and I said "well, I'm voting for the Republicans" Well, it is my fault for saying that because I knew he would go on a spree of yelling and telling me how wrong I am and he told me that if the Republicans get into office I'll be lucky if I can find a part time job. After 15-20 minutes of arguing I said to him, "Dad, I'm not wrong in believing what I believe and neither are you, can't you just accept that?" Obviously he can't because I haven't talked to him since. I know Democrats, I know Republicans but I have never sat down with a Democrat and argued with them (except for my father) about how wrong they are because I'm a big believer in letting people be and believe in what they choose. Don't try to change my mind and I won't try to change yours. I never was one who tried to convert someone to my side of beliveing and I never will be. I will sit down and listen to what you have to say (this is about anything in life) because I'm interested in why you believe what you believe and I will take your thoughts and inputs into consideration, but in the end it really is up to me, I make the final decision.

All politicans are liars, we just have to choose the better liar.


On to other things.............

Only one more day of work and than I'm off for a long weekend (vacation Friday and Monday). My two girls, mom, Clarence and I are going to go to the Cranberry Festival in Warren, WI. It's a 3 day event of people from all over selling crafts and what nots. I don't go on Friday because my daughter is in school and I'm not going to take her out of school for that so when school is over my two girls and I will drive up to Wisconsin Dells and meet my mom and Clarence at our hotel. This year we're staying at Mt. Olympus; we always stayed at the Wilderness, but Mt Olympus has 70% off of their rooms so how could I deny that? Of course there's a water park there, but Ms. Addi will not like it, but McKenna should have fun. On Sunday they have a parade and some of the people throw candy to the kids on the sides and McKenna likes it so we go for that and after that we head home. This will be Addisons first time there so we'll see how she does. It's the car ride I'm not looking forward to, but I know before I leave I am going to have to adjust her carseat straps.

I believe I'm getting some of my energy back and I am so happy with that. When I got pregnant with Addison I lost all my energy. I didn't want to do anything but sleep. I could sleep all day and I felt like I haven't slept in a week. I would sit on the couch thinking of all the things I wanted to do, but I just couldn't do it. Well, Addison is 13 months old and I'm finally feeling some of that energy come back. I actually cleaned out part of my daughters closet tonight. That is just unheard of for me, especially on a week day when I have work the following day because on those days I just want to unwind and relax before I go back to work the next day.

I'm getting tired and I have to get up in about 6 hours. Only 8 more hours of work.

Until later.

Sept. 16, 2010

Wow, I'm on a roll here. 2 posts in 2 days.

I'm at work so, of course, I'm doing my thinking and I have so many thoughts going through my head, but when I sit here to jot them all down they somehow disappear into thin air.

I keep thinking about my oldest daughter and the possibility of her having a learning disability. Like I stated in my previous post, if that's what it is I'm ok with it, we'll get through it. What I'm having a hard time with is that I let it go on this long. All I have ever wanted was to be a mom and I know I'm not the perfect mom, I'm not the mom who cooks and bakes with her child (and that's only because I just can't stand the idea of cooking or baking). I want to be the mom that my child is never afraid to come to, the one who says to all her friends, my mom is the greatest. I want my daughters to never be afraid to come to me and talk about things, anything. Boys, school, prom, issues with friends....anything, anything at all. I will never say "I can't talk now, I'm busy"

I want to do so much with my girls and sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on so much with them because I work full-time. I have told my oldest daughter numerous times that she should never count on anyone to take care of her, she should be able to take care of herself. I want to lead by example. I have no issues with those moms who do get to stay home with their children. Kudos to you, but for me, it's not for me. I know me and I know that if I didn't work I would become this lazy, fat person who would sit on the couch eating and watching reality tv. By working I'm making myself get out and move about, plus I'm earning my own paycheck and showing my daughters that you can do whatever you want. Yes, things do get neglected and there are days when I get home and I just want to crawl into bed and sleep until I have to get up again, but that's my life. I always have time to hug and kiss them and tell them that I love them. I always have time to ask how their day was and to look over my daughters homework (even though I may not understand it) and I always find time to help her study for any upcoming tests or quizzes. Hell, I'm learning French right along with her this year, who would have thought? My me time is what gets neglected and I won't even mention how the laundry may not get done weeks at a time because that is one job I can choose to ignore forever. Sometimes I get upset that I have no me time, but that's no one faults. I sure don't take it out on my babies, they didn't ask to be here, I chose that for them. Besides, I tell myself there will be a time when my house is empty because my girls will be grown and on their own and I'll have all the"me time" I want but deep down I'll be missing them like crazy and wishing to turn the clock back just a few more years.

I love my girls and I know they have no idea how proud I am to be their mom. I love watching them sleep and I pray that they have no worries going through their heads. I can't stop them from ever feeling pain, but I hope I teach them well enough that whenever they may experience they know that they can always come to me. My arms will always be open to them.

Sept. 15, 2010

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a bad mom. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough. Talking to a co-worker at work today about my oldest daughter and her issues with school he has put the thought in my head that maybe she has a learning disability. She's 11 years old, in the sixth grade, if she does have a learning disability how terrible am I for letting this go on this long? When we go over her homework (and it's been a long time since I've been in school and so much has changed) I get frustrated with her when I don't understand it and I ask her to explain it to me and she can't or she'll point to her answer and say it's right, my teacher told me, but I'll ask her again to explain it to me and all she'll say is that's what the teacher said. So, I'm going to look into her getting evaluated, I don't know how I'm going to do this but I know I have to do something. I love this girl, she owns half my heart (her sister owns the other half) and there's nothing on God's green earth I wouldn't do for either one of them. She's a good kid, she really is and it breaks my heart when I get frustrated and I yell at her. I don't want to yell, I don't want to get frustrated because really, it's not doing either one of us any good. I want the best for her, I want to give her the world. If she does have a learning disability I can handle that, we can work on that, but if it's not that ( and the more I think about it it just has to be that) I'll do whatever has to be done.

Sept. 13, 2010

I called into work today. On Saturday I must have pulled a muscle in my neck while sleeping. Dave had to help me get out of bed Saturday and Sunday morning. I thought I was feeling better by Sunday night, but during the night I could NOT lift my head up, I had to wake Dave up at one point to move Addison over, I just couldn't do it. I rolled myself out of bed at 5:00am to wash my hair and the pain that went through me as I had my head bent over was just terrible. I knew I couldn't go to work like that, how could I drive? I could hardly turn my head sideways. I woke Dave up at 6:30am and told him that he had to take McKenna to school because I was just too afraid to drive. Not to mention the killer headache I all of a sudden had to get this morning. I took 2 aspirins and waited and waited and nothing was happening so two hours later I took 2 more aspirins and the headache finally went away. My neck is feeling better and I know that I will have to go to work tomorrow whether I like it or not. I really do hate calling into work, I really do. I know they count on you to be there and besides, what I don't use for my personal time they pay me for it in January, so by the end of October I will have 2 of my 5 days spent. Oh well, I'm there 99.9% of the time anyway, what is one day? Like Dave said "You have to take care of yourself, your job won't", but it still doesn't make for the guilty feeling to go away.

Saturday Dave and I took McKenna to the library because they had a scavengar hunt there for the kids and it was fun doing that and she enjoyed it. When she completed it they gave her a pencil and a bookmarker for doing it. We took Addison, also and it was kind of funny because one little boy told me that Addison is a cute little girl. I was just kind of taken back because another child told me that and it was a boy. It was sweet of him to say that. His mom is doing a great job with him.

44 days before we leave for Disney World, now we have to pay for it (Yuck!) Addison's first trip on the airplane. I hope she's ok with it. I'm kind of getting excited for it because it's going to be my last trip there for a while. I did tell mom that the next time we go I want it to be just my girls and me. I have to call AAA to pay for our trip because you have to pay the balance within 45 days of your trip and noone has called me to do that. I don't want to lose out on my reservations.

My oldest daughter this morning said to me "Now I have to worry about you today while I'm at school" and I told her that she does not have to worry about me, that I'll be ok. She is such a mother hen and she has a heart of gold. God loves her and so do I. Oh, yes, I get angry with her, but my love for her (and her sister) grow more and more each day. I love being a mother.

Well, that's it for now. I just have to download my one picture per entry now.

September 5, 2010

Dear McKenna,

I wrote you a letter and I put it in a card for you and I gave it to you while we celebrated your first day of middle school. I wrote how proud I was to be your mother, how my heart is bursting with pride and how I must let you open your wings and let you fly, but to always know that when you were ready to land there was always going to be a place for you. Your first day went well, actually your first 3 days have gone well. I am so happy about that.

I told you today that this year I am going to push you, I am going to be there pushing you along. You need me to push because you are not the type to push yourself. You have 3 years left and off to high school you go. I want so much for you, McKenna. I want you to be someone, I want you to have better than me and maybe you won't like my pushing, but I can't help but think that you will thank me later in life for that push. Your dad and I took you to the library today and we made you take out two books, one you picked out yourself so you could read it to me and the other book we made you pick out about the 50 states. That one is to help you learn about them. I made you write down all 50 states and their capitals on a piece of paper. I know, it's a terrible thing for me to make you do on a Saturday, but it is my way of pushing you. You're 11 years old, you should know your states and I'm going to help you learn about them. This, I'm hoping, will help you with your reading and your writing. You hate reading (which I have such a hard time understanding because I could read all day if given the opportunity), but I keep telling you there are 3 things you need to be able to do in life; read, write and math. We can do this, McKenna, we can do it together.


You are a wonderful daughter, you're beautiful inside and out and I just pray that you always stay that way. Don't EVER let anyone change you.

Love you now and forever,

Mom
xoxo